although we had determined every count, and each one (not including specifiers) went the way I had originally believed, I felt like I was going to throw up when we walked back into the courtroom. to determine another person's fate, and to have your chosen path read to that person in your presence... you will never have that kind of power again.
we spent 4 tedious, strenuous, and exhausting days together. to some extent we remember each other's names. yet there is a bond there that keeps us from readily admitting that we will not be back in that jury room tomorrow, or on monday; in fact, we are likely to never see one another again.
and none of this is even about the case. I want to write all about the case; every feeling I had about it as facts were presented, every juror's thoughts on what was important and how we all reached the same conclusions through different pieces. I am too tired now, but I want to get it all down before I forget, and I know that will come all too soon.
it is a terrible thing to be on a jury, and an amazing one.
here's an exerpt from my paper:
Have you ever seen those ads in newspaper classified sections, or on www.craigslist.com that they title “Missed Connections”? The ones where someone posts that they saw this other person at Starbucks and was too nervous to talk to them, or where they have talked to the other person every day in the elevator at the office building, but they don’t know the other person’s name? That’s my relationship with AA:
My first encounter with you was brief. No words were exchanged; you were just closed off, but I vowed that I would return. I saw you again a few days later. I was about to approach you, when I saw you with someone else— someone I knew— and I knew that it was not my time.
after being locked out of a meeting wednesday evening, I headed to another one this morning. as I was parking, someone pulled in right next to me... someone I know rather well and see on a consistent basis. I think this person did not see me; I hope this person did not see me, as I want the meeting to have been effective for this person, and I don't want our relationship to change. this person may not be an alcoholic; there are a hundred reasons why this person may have been there that does not equal being an alcoholic. but oh $*&@.
I guess that's pretty much the big news. here's hoping that my other potential big news comes through this afternoon, in which case I will have more to report on (although, sadly, it is doubtful).
bridesmaid dresses are almost selected. it's really between two, but I think I have it down to one. despite erin's wanting to hang out this weekend, I am subjecting her to bridesmaidly duties, like scoring save the dates (and perhaps a trip to bridal & formal to try on the two dresses). I am sure she just wanted to gourge on ice cream, and that's not so much what's going to happen. regardless, I am excited to see her.
I know I was spoiled at michigan. over seven million titles will do that to a person. but could you PLEASE have just one of the articles that I think would be useful? I could simply use the michigan libraries when I in ann arbor this weekend, but I would rather do something fun on my short visit.
thanks. no love,
classes: school started back up a few weeks ago. I'm taking counseling addictions (which is about counseling people with addictions, and not people who are addicted to counseling) and multicultural populations. so far so good on both accounts, though I know the real homework is right around the corner.
knitting: my chuppah has been set aside for the moment as I work on some other projects to give me a break from lace. I really need to get back to it, although I am going to make a sweater vest for ryan, and I really need to start that soon so he will be able to wear it DURING sweater vest weather. little does elise know that when I see her in november, I'm giving her yarn and a pattern (and a guage!) to help with the chuppah... (oops; I guess she knows now!)
wedding: invitations and rehearsal dinner. we thought we had a great idea for the rehearsal dinner, but it sounds like it will get WAY too hot, and considering it's memorial day weekend, it wouldn't be fun if it was hot. it's too bad, because our plan was different from the traditional dinner, and it would have been quite nice. as for the invitations, I know what I want, I just need to figure out exactly how to design it. thankfully, my wonderful cousin at michigan picked me up the latest version of adobe cs3 design standard, so I can photoshop to my heart's content! (which reminds me that I owe him baked goods now...)
we had a lovely time in richmond. I haven't seen the pictures yet, so I can't say for sure how the dress actually looked. we then headed up to dc to see jon and lindsey, and now we are bored with dayton.
I'd say more, but it's getting to a point where I have to get ready.
hmm... doing summer reading? that was the summer that instead of getting to go to camp, we took a family trip to israel, which was amazing, but would have been more amazing had I also been able to spend a summer in one of the absolute best places on earth (bennington indiana).
2. What are 5 things on my to-do list?
weird how we just talked about to do lists last sunday! things make me feel accomplished just by crossing them off... so I add the simplest tasks to my list to feel that I have actually done something!
1. finish answering this meme
2. finish timeline and autobiography for class (no, I am not in the 3rd grade...)
3. finish chuppah (all three panels, but really panel one is what I mean right now)
things that may not be crossed off:
4. get GA ship
5. lose 5-10 pounds before ordering wedding dress
3. Where have I lived?
dayton (bennington for summers), ann arbor, and back to dayton (yeah... my list is so short that I actually had to write dayton on there twice to make it a little less pathetic)
4. What would I do if I was a billionaire?
get lots and lots of westies =) also lots of crafty stuff like every size of addi turbo needles and good yarn, and cake decorating supplies and quit my job so that I would have lots of time to cook and craft and take care of my plethora of doggies.
5. Who would I like to know more about?
chris took the ones who come to mind. but I would like to reiterate my original plea that lisa answer completely in pictures!
she told us of an interesting piece of mail she received two weeks ago: a save the date to cole's wedding. the same wedding that ryan was asked to be in 4.5 months ago.
my original hopeful thought was that we had not been sent a s-t-d because we clearly knew when it would be; afterall, ryan was supposed to be in it. but no, my hopes were dashed, as britt told us the wedding party was listed on the invitation itself-- no mention of ryan.
ryan claims that it doesn't bother him; that he's over it, but I don't believe him. I feel that it is my fault, and I am glad that ryan loves me enough to have finally told cole off, but I wish that (newly designated) sfb lindsay didn't make him choose between us and her.
classes ended. in my stats wannabe class, I realized that if I didn't answer the essay questions, then I would still get an A, so I just didn't turn them in. naturally, this is the one time the man is "nice" and sends me an email asking me what happened to the rest of my final. I'm not quite sure how to respond... "it was too much work, and I didn't feel like doing it"... "why bother when I already have an A"?
if I tried to say that I didn't have time, I am sure he'd give me an extension-- something I do NOT want, because I plan on NEVER answering the essay questions, even if I did get more time.
I didn't do the work, so I shouldn't receive the points; end of story. stop trying to give me credit!!!
other than that, not too much is happening that is different than anything else day to day.